vitalwholeness

Everybody gets to have their own personal experience of institutional evil at least once. I’ve had mine. That helps me spot it when it raises its ugly head, like in the White House last week.

In my own case, years ago, I was on the receiving end of power-hungry bullies. In retrospect I realized they were acting out an abuse pattern. They set me up for attack and projected onto me for the very same behavior they engaged in. They expected me to crawl to them for their approval. When I wouldn’t become their subordinate, it enraged them because they wanted to thrill themselves with their own sense of dominance. I never gave them what they wanted. I’m glad I didn’t. I learned a powerful lesson about this kind of behavior and today I can spot it from a mile off.

I saw the pattern playing out in the Whitehouse last week when President Donald Trump and Vice President J.D. Vance met with Ukrainian President Zalenskyy. It was supposed to be one of those ritual photo ops held by heads of state in the oval office after they hashed out the real issues behind the scenes. But the Trump administration had something else in mind. They ambushed their guest.

It was the most disgraceful behavior of a US President since the last time Donald Trump did something disgraceful. It shocked allies around the world. Americans were stunned. Only Trump lapdogs tried to spin the display as something beneficial. The truth is something else: After siding with Russia in a recent resolution on the Russian invasion of Ukraine in the United Nations, the Whitehouse debacle sealed the abandonment of Ukraine in favor of Russia. We are now alone. Except for the company of dictators and bad actors. Our former allies will stand behind Ukraine without us, perhaps against us. Instead, our imperial leaders will talk about annexing Canada, Greenland and Panama.

Identifying abuser behavior in this scenario is not difficult. The abuser blames the victim for their plight. The victim is cajoled into extending endless gratitude. When the victim asserts their independence, they are accused of being ungrateful. Cooperation is equated with capitulation to the abuser. The abuser reminds the victim that they are powerless without the abuser because only the help of the abuser can make them powerful. Interrupting and cutting off the victim in mid-sentence communicates how unimportant their words and ideas actually are. The abuser gaslights the victim by presenting a fabricated reality based on falsehoods. The victim is expected to accept. The victim is accused of being the real problem when they aren’t. They are expected to submit and take responsibility for that which they did not do. The abuser communicates that the victim owes them something, continuing to take from them and coercing them to participate in things that will actually hurt them. The real accomplishments of the victim are dismissed, while the abuser takes credit for the good.

All of this took place in clear sight in the Whitehouse. The Abuser-in-Chief played his role perfectly. But as in so many cases like this, unintended consequences soon rose to the surface. It doesn’t take long for bullies and their behavior to be identified. Collusion with Russia became doubly clear. And the one who was set upon, President Zelenskyy, became the recipient of renewed admiration and support.

Now people of good will around the world are bringing an equal and opposite reaction, gathering around Ukraine in spite of the abandonment by the former leader of the free world. In the meantime, we are cleaning up the blood-splattered flag from our self-inflicted wounds, the source of which sits behind the resolute desk in the oval office.